Go ahead and knock

Do you know what happens when you ring my doorbell early in the day and my household is still asleep? I have five cats... it's not pretty.

Think chaos and mayhem times five.

I had about 1.25 seconds to absorb the doorbell sound when I heard a mass of thundering kitty feet. Something crashed to the floor. Something large thudded against a wall - hard. Pictures fell. Glass broke. And someone screamed like a little girl (that'd be me).

And who was at the door? A pair of door-to-door gospel types in nice clothes with briefcases, they could have been insurance salespeople too but I'm guessing they're from the new church just around the corner. On an early Sunday morning, too.

Now I'm not anti-religious or anything like that and I realize they have a goal to bring new members in, meet the neighborhood, get to know peeps... I just won't open the door in my jammies early in the morning, not unless it's an emergency or a neighbor or a friend in need. Sorry, them's the House Rules. 

I'm finding that people generally just don't understand that "to solicit" means "to ask". They're asking me to open the door, they're asking me to listen - they ARE soliciting. Even if they don't sell a product, just the nature of going door-to-door and asking for anything is soliciting. I have a "no soliciting" sign and it's big.  No one sees it.  So I'm adding a new sign next to that one:

"We are illiterate, diabetic, unemployed, inarticulate, atheisists. Don't bother."

Is that too harsh? *grin*

Ice Cream Ramblings

Yeah RIGHT "there's no such thing as a dumb question".

You try being around the same person for as many years as I have, and say that again... with a straight face. I can't. I break out laughing hysterically every time.

Take, for instance, today after lunch. Hubby goes to the door to the garage, pauses, looks back at me (why, I'm still not sure).

Me: "What?"

Him: "Umm... I'm going to... get a couple popsicles..."

Me: "Popsicles?"

Him: "Yeah, in the mood for something sweet."

Now why he didn't automatically think of me, not sure there either, but there ya go. (Don't answer that, I know the reason... I'm not sweet, hahahah!!)

Me: "Okay... popsicles... hmmm..."

Immediately I was thinking of the homemade ice cream in the freezer in the kitchen, not the deep freezer in the garage where he was headed. I knew he'd like it, it was raspberry chocolate-chip. Awful darn tasty stuff too. Tangy, sweet, chocolate, and fruity all at once.

Anyhow. Back to hubby-paused-in-doorway. He says, and this is where the string of dumb questions started... "Do you want me to get you anything?"

I was in SHOCK, I tell ya... s h o c k shock. He never asks if I want anything. I really mean that. It's not that he's rude, it's just he never thinks about anything other than his own sugar-based-requirement at the moment. It's okay, I'm used to it. *grin*

Me: "Me? You want to get something for ME?! You never offer to get anything for me!"

At this point I might have wanted to check his temperature to see if he was running hot. Or look in his eyes and see if he'd been replaced by a droid. Or maybe he really did have a doppleganger or identical twin... one with the sensitivity to ask if there was something I wanted too.

Him: "Yes, you... would you like me to get you something from the deep freezer while I'm out there?"

I shook myself out of that shocked state, blinking at him.

Me: "Umm... no, I have what I need inside the house..." I murmured. He resumed his progress through the doorway. What I said next froze him (no pun intended) in his tracks though. "...but I thought you might preferraspberry chocolate-chip ice cream instead of popsicles."

I'm an evil child, I tell ya. Evil. Eeee-ville.

He froze (again, no pun intended), turned to me with a look of ice cream lust if I ever saw one. I'd hit the nail on the head three times... he LOVES raspberries, chocolate chips, and ice cream. To have all three in one... that's food lust, there's not other phrase for it.

Him: "You have that?" (see? dumb question!)

I got up, went to the kitchen freezer, rolling my eyes the whole way, pulled out a small single-serving-size plastic container and handed it to him with a spoon silently. At least I'd had the smarts to put the ice cream in little tubs.

Him: "Where'd this come from?" (again!)

I can't make up stuff like this, he actually looked at the reusable container, which is obviously not a store-bought ice cream tub, and asked that question while he was standing next to the ice cream machine, too, which just happened to be sitting out on top of the microwave at the moment... in plain sight. Can't miss it, the thing's not exactly SMALL.

Really. I can't make this stuff up. He not only asked if I had it but where it came from! D'oh!

I still didn't say anything, just pointed to the ice cream freezer machine about a foot to his left. I could see him wanting to ask another question, but instead I just turned him gently and nudged him out the door so he could go devour the ice cream before it melted. The only thing I can think is that he had gone into some sort of state of food shock.

P.S. That flavor's probably the best ice cream experiment to date, too, came out sooooo yummy. Mmm mmm mmmmmm. I hear it's called something like "raspberry rumble", definitely gonna do it again!

What's on the menu?

So there I am at Wal-Mart today... again... standing in the checkout line and mulling over things I could rant about online publicly when it hit me... the front cover of a popular woman’s magazine had a little blurb in the upper right, designed to get people to look inside. Or maybe buy the issue.

The bit said: "4 Things All Guys Crave Hearing - pg. 74"

Well I'm curious as a cat , but not THAT curious. I don't have to pick up the latest issue to know the answer to THAT one... I been married since... ohh... umm... errrrr... well, a while. Long enough to know that without even looking, I could imagine they'd mean things that would stroke his (cough hack cough) fragile (cough cough hack) ego. And no, that's not a euphemism, get yer mind outta the gutter. Besides, if I'd picked up the magazine to see what exactly WAS on pg. 74 of this month's issue, I probably woulda died laughing.

Like I said before... some days I'm soooooooo mature. LOL! I just knew I'd be in trouble from the Hysterics Police if I picked it up to read, so I didn't.

Around this house... the four things hubby-dearest craves hearing kinda go like this:

4. "Why sure, I'll pay all the bills this month, you just keep your paycheck to yourself this month, honey!"

3. "You just put your feet up, dearling, I'll bring you something to eat and drink and fetch the remote for you, would you like me to put in a DVD too?"

2. "Of course you can sit around and do absolutely nothing today! The yard can wait. Why... it's not even two feet tall yet!"

...and the all time top drawer ding ding ding winner of them all...

1. "You. Were. Right."

Of course, if ya know me... that's just sarcasm. But now that I'm home and I can't read pg. 74, I'm curious... what are the four things that all guys crave hearing? I shoulda just picked it up anyhow.

P.S. #2-3-4 are really sarcasm, but number 1 there - that's for REAL. He LOVES to hear me say "You were right." *grin*